Straightforward strategies to pursue your purpose, accelerate your growth, show up as your whole self, increase higher order thinking and align your time with your values. What to try. Why it Works. For When it Matters.
You’ve heard of Christmas in July? How about NYE in August?
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The next couple of weeks mark a significant transition in the lives of parents with young children everywhere: the start of a new school year. As kids brace themselves for the return of early wake-ups, enforced bedtimes & homework, parents rejoice at the resumption of structure, predictability & shared oversight. ‘Tis the season for long lists of school supplies that will barely be used, parent chat huddles over who’s in whose class this year, new expectations, responsibilities & privileges, backpack, lunch bag and sneaker selections, new schedules, locker combos & crushes, new drop off & pickup line logistics, a new beginning all around. So why wait 4 months to unlock the ambition, intention and self-reflection that typically marks the start of a new calendar year? The start of the school year presents a comparable moment to pause, reflect, & plan. So let’s get a jump start, for you & your kiddos! (Note: the steps that follow include self-work and options to engage your elementary, middle and high school kids. Use your discretion in applying the suggested approaches based on age, grade and development.) STEP 1: Look backwards to go forward The best way to start a forward-looking plan for this school year is with a backward-looking assessment of last school year. Start with a quick self-reflective retrospective inspired by your calendar.
Use these reflections to identify areas of growth and opportunities for change. Note the most challenging times of the day or week – logistically, emotionally, otherwise… How can those be managed better, with less stress, greater intention or more support? Write down ideas of what you can stop, start and continue. Once you’ve answered these questions for yourself, incorporate your family’s POV. Prompt your partner to do the same exercise to get an independent take on the family flow and a fresh source of ideas for advantageous adjustments. Now get your kids in the mix. Modeling and facilitating a reflective conversation with your kids is a great way to cultivate self-awareness, instill accountability and encourage responsibility, not to mention get them thinking about their goals and intentions. If you have more than one kiddo, try to have this conversation one-on-one. 1. Set the scene. Often kids are more engaged and open outside of a conventional face-to-face format. Depressurize the dynamic by discussing these topics while playing a low-key board game, during a walk or drive or over a snack. 2. Start with the positive. Ask questions that prompt positive feelings & memories of last school year.
(Pro tip: asking for a “favorite” can impose unintended stress, so present pulse check questions like this in a way that leaves room for multiple answers) 3. Explore the challenges. Transition into tougher topics.
If your kiddo is struggling to share, mention something that you found difficult to spark their ideas without leading the witness. “I really dreaded Thursday afternoons!
There was so much driving between activities and by the time we got home there was barely time for dinner before bed!”
(True story.)
4. Rate it. List out noteworthy activities, routines and times of day. Ask your child to give a Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down or Thumbs Middle for each. Prompt them to share a simple explanation for each rating. Take it a step further: “I’m not making any promises here, but if it were only up to you… What’s one thing you would want to add for this year one thing you definitely want to keep, and one thing you want to stop doing?” STEP 2: Look forward to go forward Think ahead to 10 months from now. You’ve pulled off spirit days, teacher gifts, birthday parties and allll the projects you’ve sat on the sidelines for 1700 hours of practice & games you’ve choreographed a complex web of extracurriculars, your children are wrapping up another grade… And what about you? What do you want to be different about yourself and your life heading into next summer? New job new hobby new skillset new attitude new opportunities? More grounded more rested more active more social? Less doing less hurried less worried less distracted? Based on how you want your life to look at the end of this school year, set one or two priority goals. Make each SMART by defining the goal in a way that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, if you want to be more present, a SMART goal could be: technology-free family dinners at least 4 nights per week. Bonus points for phrasing it as an Implementation Intention and scheduling it into your calendar. Work with your kid(s) to set their goal(s) for the year too. Each goal should be achievable with effort and consistency & it should be less about a quantitative metric (like a grade or score) and more about a learning objective (mastering a new skill, building a new habit). Later, if your child is ready to take it a bit further, circle back to the goal and encourage an action plan.
Going through this exercise will help them connect the dots between their actions and their goals identify the behaviors & decisions that are / are not conducive and develop a sense of agency and intention around what they want for themselves. Winner winner school night dinner. STEP 3: Set an Intention An intention is something you want to do AND plan to do. Broader than a goal, an intention is a way of being in the world, that is rooted in your values and tied to a purpose. Ask yourself:
Choose a Word of the Year (WOTY) that represents this approach – a single word that captures your wishes, attitude & intention and sets the tone for the year you envision. The word of the year can be a noun: Kindness, Friendship, Growth, Comfort, Resilience, Community, Challenge, Commitment, Dedication, Determination, Ease, Generosity, Grace, Mindset, Organization, Progress, Stillness, Service, Simplicity, Strength, Gratitude, Awareness, Love Or an adjective: Brave, Bold, Calm, Confident, Curious, Content, Disciplined, Open, Positive,
Hopeful, Humble, Ready, Flexible, Capable, Mighty, Optimistic, Thoughtful.
Or it can be a verb: Learn, Listen, Help, Inspire, Practice, Question, Speak Up, Share, Hustle,
Try, Experiment, Thrive, Focus, Trust, Connect, Breathe, Shine.
The only requirement is that you own it, embody it and be inspired by it. Encourage your child to decide on a Word of the Year too. “Picture yourself walking out of the house every morning for school.
What word can you say to yourself that will put you in a positive and motivated mindset to take on the day?
Walk the talk. It’s one thing to set an intention and another thing to be intentional. An intention should serve as an accountability mechanism and a north star. When you or your child is considering what to do in a particular situation or you’re debriefing on something that already happened, your intention provides a built-in benchmark to evaluate against.
Get crafty The more you and your kiddo revisit your intentions, the more they become ingrained in your consciousness. Having a visual representation of your WOTY is a great way to help make it stick. Tap into your creative side and work with your kids to design word art or a vision board that showcases their WOTY. Hang it up in their bedroom or in the kitchen as a daily call to action/intention. For older kids that have crossed over the digital divide, use Canva or another graphic design tool to create a digital wallpaper featuring their WOTY. Consider other ways to keep the WOTY top of mind:
The more you incorporate your WOTYs into your daily life, the easier it will be to intentionally live into them. STEP 4: Make it Matter In order to make this pre-work meaningful, you’ve got to bake it into your calendar and routines. Level up your Morning and Evening Routines Design a morning routine that sets a positive, intentional tone for the day:
In the evening, establish a wind-down routine that ritualizes a family-friendly debrief. This creates space to:
Gently probe any missteps or personal disappointments in the context of that person’s intention.
This approach reinforces the intention, builds the muscle of accountability & sets the habit of self-reflection. Create a shared Family Calendar Whether digital or actual, a shared family calendar is a helpful tool for staying organized & keeping everyone on the same page (unless you like being the only one who knows who needs to be where and when?). Use the Dream Calendar Setup Guide to blueprint a family calendar that honors your values & protects your priorities. Protect and highlight times blocked out for the family experiences that matter most to your kids (game nights, movie nights, family fun days and trips) and mark time for conspicious self-care and passion projects. Check in & track Schedule monthly family meetings over a favorite meal to encourage feedback on what is working well and where there is tension or stress around certain expectations and routines. Welcome feedback and model a collaborative approach
Then, invite everyone to share progress on their gaols. Note, I said everyone. This is not just a check-in on your kids’ goals, it’s an opportunity for them to hold you accountable to yours too, and to learn from how you own and approach setbacks and successes. Modeling flexibility is key. Life is unpredictable, and flexibility is essential to maintain consistency with our commitments. The earlier your kids learn that, the better. Don’t be afraid to adjust your goals or routines out loud. If something isn’t working, encourage and demonstrate self-reflection.
Building this practice – in yourself and your kids – is invaluable to build the skill of self-calibration and experimentation to encourage goals to be adjusted, not abandoned & to ensure setbacks don’t impact self-esteem. January 1st is a traditional trigger to set goals and resolutions because the start of the year provides a convenient & symbolic marker of time. A new school year presents a fresh start too. So let’s make the most of it! Instead of waiting 4+ months for the next new year to roll around, resolve to make this one what you want it to be. Your life and schedule are going to be tossed in a blender anyway, you might as well decide what kind of smoothie you’re having. If this approach feels like a lot for your fam, adjust accordingly. If you have never done resolutions or goal-setting with your kids, don’t try to implement this all at once… You’ll drown in a sea of eyerolls. Go through the full process for yourself and with your kids, start simpler: 1. Make an attempt at the retrospective in Step 1 to help them feel included and heard in your planning for the year ahead. 2. Work with them to set a WOTY and turn it into a visual and a mantra or affirmation. This will give you a shared baseline for discussing goals & intentions and evaluating situations & behaviors as the year progresses. 3. Develop a shared calendar that includes everyone’s schedule and commitments. If only for your own damn sanity. This abbreviated approach will give you a solid start to the school year and a solid foundation come January to undertake a more robust intention and goal-setting process. After all, why limit intention-setting and resolutions to one new year, when you can do it for two?! Do you have any start-of-the-school year rituals, routines or pro-tips you swear by? I’d love to hear about them and share them out with fellow subscribers! And let me know by replying to this email… what’s your WOTY?! Enjoy the home stretch of summer and Happy New Year! Nicole |
Time by Design
Straightforward strategies to pursue your purpose, accelerate your growth, show up as your whole self, increase higher order thinking and align your time with your values. What to try. Why it Works. For When it Matters.
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