Every year, I feel like I crawl across the finish line of October,

beaten, battered, exhausted and with an absolute train wreck of an office.

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It’s always, by far, my hardest and most exhausting month…

a combination of celebrating both kids’ birthdays (and Ollie’s famiversary)

helping my oldest prep to pitch in the Young Inventors Challenge,

facilitating multiple annual planning offsites for clients,

oh, and to cap it all off, Halloween.

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Not to mention, you know, all the usual things.

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I half-coax, half-coach myself through it every year.

“You just have to get through this, this and that”…

“just this and that”… “just this one last thing”.

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It’s classic survival mode,

but what type... and why does that matter?

The 4 Types of Survival Mode

There are four types of survival mode based on mindset and timeline.

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Survival Modes by Mindset:

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Overwhelm

The overwhelm version of survival mode

is characterized by a “just get through” mindset.

"I just need to get through..."

the holidays,

this quarter,

this project,

this week,

the year…

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You feel like you’re running on a treadmill at a full sprint and

you know you can’t keep running this fast, but

you also know you can’t stop because

if you do, you’ll break your face.

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In this mode, anything else,

any additional ask, no matter how small,

feels like it’s a threat to your very existence.

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Your reputation and your identity depend on

your ability to keep all the balls in the air,

or at least that's how it feels to you.

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That's because this version of survival mode

is typically rooted in defining your value

outside of yourself:

people-pleasing,

perfectionism

and/or proving.

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Underwhelm

The underwhelm version of survival mode

is characterized by a “going through the motions” mindset.

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Unfulfilled, uninspired, unenthused,

you’re asking yourself

“what’s the point?”,

“why bother?”,

“I’ll just…”

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In this mode,

you don’t feel like

you might be about to die,

you feel like you’re already half-dead,

zombie-like, robotic, unappreciated and under-utilized.

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This version of survival mode is rooted in

a disconnection from purpose or a lack of fulfillment.

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There is something — or someone — getting in the way

of you doing you and having the impact

you know you could have.

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Survival Modes by Timeline:

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Situational

Situational survival mode is time-bounded.

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Your sense of suffering is tied to

a specific time period or event.*

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There’s a goal line.

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*One important note: If your time horizon keeps expanding and

“I just need to get through this week” has become a recurring pattern,

you might be telling yourself you’re in situational survival mode, but it’s really systemic.

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Systemic

Systemic survival mode feels indefinite.

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It’s perceived as an inevitable, unavoidable condition of your present reality,

whether that’s your job, your relationship, your financial situation, or something else.

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A core characteristic of systemic survival mode is a loss of agency.

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You stop believing in your ability to get yourself out of it.

It feels like the only way out is to escape, but how?

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You feel stuck, and in some ways you are.

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Because when you’re in survival mode —

and this is true for all of the types —

you’re not strategizing or planning,

not visualizing or executing,

not being intentional,

you’re just surviving.

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Until now.

Strategies to Step out of Survival Mode, by Type

The four types of survival mode lend themselves to different strategies.

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Knowing what type of survival mode you’re in

is key to knowing how to get yourself out of it.

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Find your type, find your path.

Situational Overwhelm

is a temporary high-stakes,

high-intensity state.

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You’re juggling a series of critical deadlines,

navigating a surge in responsibilities, or

dealing with a specific challenge.

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It’s intense, but finite.

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You can see the finish line, even if it’s faint,

and you’re trying with all your might

to keep all the balls in the air

long enough to cross it.

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How to handle it:

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1. Create Mini-Milestones

Break your tasks down into the

smallest achievable parts.

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Celebrate each mini win

to keep your energy

and momentum up

for the next one.

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2. Pause for the Cause

Find pockets in your day —

even if it’s “just” 3 or 5 minutes —

to pause, breathe and recalibrate.

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Whip out your menu and make the most

of any time you can claim for you.

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3. Outsource One Thing

For people in overwhelm,

the suggestion to delegate

can feel tone deaf & naive at best.

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That’s because the act of delegation itself

is “just one more thing I have to do”.

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I get it.

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And I still want you to lighten your load.

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Pick something lower stakes that doesn’t require

a substantive hand off...

and hand it off.

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Will you have to accept a less than perfect result? Yes.

Is it worth it to take something off your plate? Also Yes.

Systemic Overwhelm

feels as if your whole life has become

a series of relentless demands with no end in sight.

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Every day brings another

round of “just get through this,”

but the cycle doesn’t seem to break.

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You’re pouring your energy out,

but there’s no replenishment.

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You may feel trapped by your commitments,

or weighed down by constant,

unrelenting pressure and

a sense of exhaustion

that you can’t shake.

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You either don’t know how to stop the cycle or

you don’t believe that you can, or both.

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How to handle it:

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1. Create a Win

Identify one low-risk area

where you can assert your agency by

deviating from the default & choosing a different approach.

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For example, instead of defaulting to

eating at your desk (again) while continuing to work,

you could step outside, sit on a bench or go for a short walk.

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The win itself is small but

what the win represents is huge:

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Agency.

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You are choosing you.

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By reasserting your agency, even in this small way,

you’re proving to yourself that you aren’t helpless,

that you’re not a victim and you do have a choice.

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One small step, one giant leap.

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2. Put on your Oxygen Mask

Take stock of your current commitments

and identify areas where you can set

firm, self-protective boundaries.

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Choose one or two key areas where

you can limit your availability or

say no to non-essential asks.

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Then, communicate those boundaries in advance and with clarity.

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Relax, this is a baby step, not a break from your

proving, people-pleasing and/or perfectionism.

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By choosing areas

that aren’t core to

who you want to be &

how you want to show up,

you can hold on to that identity

(for a little while, at least)

while still giving yourself

some breathing room.

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Practice boundaries in safe spaces

(like with strangers) so you can

create space for yourself

behind the scenes until

you’re ready to do so

on center stage.

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3. Restructure repeatable processes

Systemic problems require

system-level solutions.

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In survival mode there is a phenomenon called “learned helplessness”

that describes the tendency to keep mopping up the water

in a flooding room, instead of turning off the faucet.

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The problem with that approach, of course,

is you can never stop mopping

or you might drown.

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Let’s turn off the faucet, shall we?

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When responsibilities feel structurally unmanageable

(you can’t see a way to ever feel on top of things)

redesigning workflows and ways of working

can make a huge impact.

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Audit & redesign

your daily processes

to eliminate redundancies,

prioritize essential tasks and

crank up your day-to-day efficiency.

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Make decisions in advance,

batch recurring tasks within a dedicated time block,

automate processes that don’t need to be done manually and

introduce tools or systems that centralize information for your family or team.

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Does this sound easier said than done?

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Shoot me a note and I’m happy to

recommend some resources.

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Building systems, processes & ways of working to alleviate systemic overwhelm,

especially among founders or business owners and their teams,

is basically my superpower. 🙌

Situational Underwhelm

feels like you’ve shifted into autopilot.

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It could be tied to a lack of challenging or impactful work,

a misalignment between expectations and reality,

an assignment that doesn’t feel meaningful or

a situation in which you don’t feel seen.

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You’re not necessarily unhappy,

but you’re not fulfilled either.

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You’re biding your time until

the situation shifts and

you can reengage

your mojo.

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How to handle it:

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1. Redirect your focus

All people need purpose.

High-achievers need

purposeful work.

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If that’s not your current reality, create it.

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Find and prioritize purpose

outside of your role by

diving into a project,

a new community

or a hobby that

lights you up.

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Take it to

the next level

by attaching a goal

to your commitment.

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Sometimes we get stuck

trying to find our ‘big P’ Purpose,

when ‘little p’ purpose is all you really need

to reenergize yourself and spark your momentum.

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2. Cultivate Curiosity

Turn a period of underwhelm

into a season of growth.

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If you’re under-utilized,

don’t waste time complaining about it.

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Claim the extra time for yourself.

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Lean into learning &

build a new set of skills

or a new body of knowledge.

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Not only will this approach

reengage your brain and your energy,

it might set you up to make a change that

lets you avoid that source of underwhelm for good.

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3. Reframe the game

Underwhelm is frustrating.

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You know there is so much more

you can do, if only you had the opportunity.

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You may not have the authority or influence

to change the situation you’re in, but

you can certainly change how

you feel about it.

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Shift your focus to the positive.

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You’re underutilized or uninspired.

Yes, that’s a frustration.

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It’s also an opportunity.

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Tap into gratitude for what this lull represents --

a chance to reinvest that unappreciated energy back into yourself.

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Gratitude is a game-changer.

Systemic Underwhelm

is an enduring sense of stagnation.

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You know you have more to give,

but you’ve resigned yourself to your reality.

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You used to feel pent up & frustrated,

swimming around in your

untapped potential.

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You tried to create opportunities

to be seen and valued for what

you know you have to offer.

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But now you’re just going through the motions in an endless loop —

no heart, no fire, no energy, no motivation,

just rote execution.

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How to handle it:

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1. Find your Path to Fulfillment

Do not squander your one precious life stuck in a situation that doesn’t fulfill you

or pursuing — without questioning — someone else’s definition of what will.

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Underwhelm and fulfillment are fundamentally incompatible.

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Do the work to define what fulfills you and

focus your beautiful energy on that.

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My assessment can help.

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You’ll define what fulfillment looks like for you

across 13 different areas of your life.

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If one of those areas feels blocked by some clown who

doesn’t understand what you’re capable of,

focus on the other twelve.

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2. Redesign Your Role

As much as possible, take your role into your own hands.

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Audit your role and responsibilities to find the nuggets

that light you up and leverage your strengths.

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Find the connection between those nuggets

and your ability to create value within your role.

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Then, seek out or propose adjustments

that allow you to engage in work

that both feels purposeful

and is impactful.

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3. Create a System for Skill-Building and Growth

Approach your personal development like it’s your job,

especially if your actual job is proving to be a dead end.

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No need to wait for someone else to do it for you —

create a structured development plan for yourself

with clear objectives, metrics and milestones.

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Set monthly or quarterly goals for learning

using the SMART Goals framework and

hold yourself accountable to growth &

high standards, even if no one else is.

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Getting intentional about

your development will help you

regain a progression, purpose & agency.

When you’re in survival mode, it’s easy to feel like

the situation you’re in is running the show,

but it doesn’t have to be that way.

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Identifying the type of survival mode you’re struggling with

is the first step toward reclaiming agency

and making choices that serve you,

not just the moment.

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The worst thing you can do in survival mode

is buy into the narrative that you

have no other choice but

to be stuck there.

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By using these strategies proactively and intentionally

you can reclaim control, one step at a time.

If you’re feeling stuck in survival mode,

reach out for resources by replying to this email.

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I work with founders, business owners and their teams

who are suffering from systemic overwhelm due to

broken processes and systems that can no longer

support their growth or their needs.

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If that's you, let's talk.

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If that’s not your situation, there is no shortage of brilliant people

I’d be thrilled to connect you with who are just as impactful

at overcoming the other types of survival mode.

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You’re not alone.

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Just promise me you won't stay stuck!

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xx, Nicole

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