Every year, I feel like I crawl across the finish line of October, beaten, battered, exhausted and with an absolute train wreck of an office. It’s always, by far, my hardest and most exhausting month… a combination of celebrating both kids’ birthdays (and Ollie’s famiversary) helping my oldest prep to pitch in the Young Inventors Challenge, facilitating multiple annual planning offsites for clients, oh, and to cap it all off, Halloween. Not to mention, you know, all the usual things. I half-coax, half-coach myself through it every year. “You just have to get through this, this and that”… “just this and that”… “just this one last thing”. It’s classic survival mode, but what type... and why does that matter? The 4 Types of Survival ModeThere are four types of survival mode based on mindset and timeline. Survival Modes by Mindset: Overwhelm The overwhelm version of survival mode is characterized by a “just get through” mindset. "I just need to get through..." the holidays, this quarter, this project, this week, the year… You feel like you’re running on a treadmill at a full sprint and you know you can’t keep running this fast, but you also know you can’t stop because if you do, you’ll break your face. In this mode, anything else, any additional ask, no matter how small, feels like it’s a threat to your very existence. Your reputation and your identity depend on your ability to keep all the balls in the air, or at least that's how it feels to you. That's because this version of survival mode is typically rooted in defining your value outside of yourself: people-pleasing, perfectionism and/or proving. Underwhelm The underwhelm version of survival mode is characterized by a “going through the motions” mindset. Unfulfilled, uninspired, unenthused, you’re asking yourself “what’s the point?”, “why bother?”, “I’ll just…” In this mode, you don’t feel like you might be about to die, you feel like you’re already half-dead, zombie-like, robotic, unappreciated and under-utilized. This version of survival mode is rooted in a disconnection from purpose or a lack of fulfillment. There is something — or someone — getting in the way of you doing you and having the impact you know you could have. Survival Modes by Timeline: Situational Situational survival mode is time-bounded. Your sense of suffering is tied to a specific time period or event.* There’s a goal line. *One important note: If your time horizon keeps expanding and “I just need to get through this week” has become a recurring pattern, you might be telling yourself you’re in situational survival mode, but it’s really systemic. Systemic Systemic survival mode feels indefinite. It’s perceived as an inevitable, unavoidable condition of your present reality, whether that’s your job, your relationship, your financial situation, or something else. A core characteristic of systemic survival mode is a loss of agency. You stop believing in your ability to get yourself out of it. It feels like the only way out is to escape, but how? You feel stuck, and in some ways you are. Because when you’re in survival mode — and this is true for all of the types — you’re not strategizing or planning, not visualizing or executing, not being intentional, you’re just surviving. Until now. Strategies to Step out of Survival Mode, by TypeThe four types of survival mode lend themselves to different strategies. Knowing what type of survival mode you’re in is key to knowing how to get yourself out of it. Find your type, find your path. Situational Overwhelmis a temporary high-stakes, high-intensity state. You’re juggling a series of critical deadlines, navigating a surge in responsibilities, or dealing with a specific challenge. It’s intense, but finite. You can see the finish line, even if it’s faint, and you’re trying with all your might to keep all the balls in the air long enough to cross it. How to handle it: 1. Create Mini-Milestones Break your tasks down into the smallest achievable parts. Celebrate each mini win to keep your energy and momentum up for the next one. 2. Pause for the Cause Find pockets in your day — even if it’s “just” 3 or 5 minutes — to pause, breathe and recalibrate. Whip out your menu and make the most of any time you can claim for you. 3. Outsource One Thing For people in overwhelm, the suggestion to delegate can feel tone deaf & naive at best. That’s because the act of delegation itself is “just one more thing I have to do”. I get it. And I still want you to lighten your load. Pick something lower stakes that doesn’t require a substantive hand off... and hand it off. Will you have to accept a less than perfect result? Yes. Is it worth it to take something off your plate? Also Yes. Systemic Overwhelmfeels as if your whole life has become a series of relentless demands with no end in sight. Every day brings another round of “just get through this,” but the cycle doesn’t seem to break. You’re pouring your energy out, but there’s no replenishment. You may feel trapped by your commitments, or weighed down by constant, unrelenting pressure and a sense of exhaustion that you can’t shake. You either don’t know how to stop the cycle or you don’t believe that you can, or both. How to handle it: 1. Create a Win Identify one low-risk area where you can assert your agency by deviating from the default & choosing a different approach. For example, instead of defaulting to eating at your desk (again) while continuing to work, you could step outside, sit on a bench or go for a short walk. The win itself is small but what the win represents is huge: Agency. You are choosing you. By reasserting your agency, even in this small way, you’re proving to yourself that you aren’t helpless, that you’re not a victim and you do have a choice. One small step, one giant leap. 2. Put on your Oxygen Mask Take stock of your current commitments and identify areas where you can set firm, self-protective boundaries. Choose one or two key areas where you can limit your availability or say no to non-essential asks. Then, communicate those boundaries in advance and with clarity. Relax, this is a baby step, not a break from your proving, people-pleasing and/or perfectionism. By choosing areas that aren’t core to who you want to be & how you want to show up, you can hold on to that identity (for a little while, at least) while still giving yourself some breathing room. Practice boundaries in safe spaces (like with strangers) so you can create space for yourself behind the scenes until you’re ready to do so on center stage. 3. Restructure repeatable processes Systemic problems require system-level solutions. In survival mode there is a phenomenon called “learned helplessness” that describes the tendency to keep mopping up the water in a flooding room, instead of turning off the faucet. The problem with that approach, of course, is you can never stop mopping or you might drown. Let’s turn off the faucet, shall we? When responsibilities feel structurally unmanageable (you can’t see a way to ever feel on top of things) redesigning workflows and ways of working can make a huge impact. Audit & redesign your daily processes to eliminate redundancies, prioritize essential tasks and crank up your day-to-day efficiency. Make decisions in advance, batch recurring tasks within a dedicated time block, automate processes that don’t need to be done manually and introduce tools or systems that centralize information for your family or team. Does this sound easier said than done? Shoot me a note and I’m happy to recommend some resources. Building systems, processes & ways of working to alleviate systemic overwhelm, especially among founders or business owners and their teams, is basically my superpower. 🙌 Situational Underwhelmfeels like you’ve shifted into autopilot. It could be tied to a lack of challenging or impactful work, a misalignment between expectations and reality, an assignment that doesn’t feel meaningful or a situation in which you don’t feel seen. You’re not necessarily unhappy, but you’re not fulfilled either. You’re biding your time until the situation shifts and you can reengage your mojo. How to handle it: 1. Redirect your focus All people need purpose. High-achievers need purposeful work. If that’s not your current reality, create it. Find and prioritize purpose outside of your role by diving into a project, a new community or a hobby that lights you up. Take it to the next level by attaching a goal to your commitment. Sometimes we get stuck trying to find our ‘big P’ Purpose, when ‘little p’ purpose is all you really need to reenergize yourself and spark your momentum. 2. Cultivate Curiosity Turn a period of underwhelm into a season of growth. If you’re under-utilized, don’t waste time complaining about it. Claim the extra time for yourself. Lean into learning & build a new set of skills or a new body of knowledge. Not only will this approach reengage your brain and your energy, it might set you up to make a change that lets you avoid that source of underwhelm for good. 3. Reframe the game Underwhelm is frustrating. You know there is so much more you can do, if only you had the opportunity. You may not have the authority or influence to change the situation you’re in, but you can certainly change how you feel about it. Shift your focus to the positive. You’re underutilized or uninspired. Yes, that’s a frustration. It’s also an opportunity. Tap into gratitude for what this lull represents -- a chance to reinvest that unappreciated energy back into yourself. Gratitude is a game-changer. Systemic Underwhelmis an enduring sense of stagnation. You know you have more to give, but you’ve resigned yourself to your reality. You used to feel pent up & frustrated, swimming around in your untapped potential. You tried to create opportunities to be seen and valued for what you know you have to offer. But now you’re just going through the motions in an endless loop — no heart, no fire, no energy, no motivation, just rote execution. How to handle it: 1. Find your Path to Fulfillment Do not squander your one precious life stuck in a situation that doesn’t fulfill you or pursuing — without questioning — someone else’s definition of what will. Underwhelm and fulfillment are fundamentally incompatible. Do the work to define what fulfills you and focus your beautiful energy on that. My assessment can help. You’ll define what fulfillment looks like for you across 13 different areas of your life. If one of those areas feels blocked by some clown who doesn’t understand what you’re capable of, focus on the other twelve. 2. Redesign Your Role As much as possible, take your role into your own hands. Audit your role and responsibilities to find the nuggets that light you up and leverage your strengths. Find the connection between those nuggets and your ability to create value within your role. Then, seek out or propose adjustments that allow you to engage in work that both feels purposeful and is impactful. 3. Create a System for Skill-Building and Growth Approach your personal development like it’s your job, especially if your actual job is proving to be a dead end. No need to wait for someone else to do it for you — create a structured development plan for yourself with clear objectives, metrics and milestones. Set monthly or quarterly goals for learning using the SMART Goals framework and hold yourself accountable to growth & high standards, even if no one else is. Getting intentional about your development will help you regain a progression, purpose & agency. When you’re in survival mode, it’s easy to feel like the situation you’re in is running the show, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Identifying the type of survival mode you’re struggling with is the first step toward reclaiming agency and making choices that serve you, not just the moment. The worst thing you can do in survival mode is buy into the narrative that you have no other choice but to be stuck there. By using these strategies proactively and intentionally you can reclaim control, one step at a time. If you’re feeling stuck in survival mode, reach out for resources by replying to this email. I work with founders, business owners and their teams who are suffering from systemic overwhelm due to broken processes and systems that can no longer support their growth or their needs. If that's you, let's talk. If that’s not your situation, there is no shortage of brilliant people I’d be thrilled to connect you with who are just as impactful at overcoming the other types of survival mode. You’re not alone. Just promise me you won't stay stuck! xx, Nicole |
Straightforward strategies to pursue your purpose, accelerate your growth, show up as your whole self, increase higher order thinking and align your time with your values. What to try. Why it Works. For When it Matters.
When we talk about boundaries, the conversation often focuses on saying “no”. And no is really important… but it’s not the only option. I know it’s popular to say “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no” and I would agree, that’s an excellent approach… when there’s no risk of shooting yourself in the foot. For example, sometimes as a founder you’re going to get requests from potential or current investors & prospective or active clients to which you shouldn’t just deliver a hard no… even if...
My first business was an artisan chocolates company. At the peak of its success, as we were shipping chocolates by the case nationwide, getting covered in the New York Times and Food & Wine Magazine and celebrating a front page article in the Wall Street Journal nine days before Christmas… I used to pull up to the commercial kitchen every morning and fantasize about firebombing the building. Not literally, of course. But also, kinda. It’s a common phenomenon among founders and business owners...
This issue covers: 7 Signs you’re experiencing an identity shift Warning flags that you might be in crisis mode 3 Business Frameworks to turn Personal Transitions into Platforms for Growth: Personal SWOT Analysis Gap Analysis Balanced Scorecard During the past week, I launched my website (finally!)… and the very next day, I began the process of completely overhauling it. I participated in a design thinking workshop for a startup building a solution to support other founders with the wind down...