We love a good story of individual resilience.

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The lone hero, against all odds,

pushing through adversity

with nothing but sheer

willpower.

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It’s the stuff of movies… literally.

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Batman broods alone in his cave,

convinced that no one but him

can bear the weight of

Gotham’s survival.

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Beatrix Kiddo

fights her way through Kill Bill on

pure grit, vengeance and years of solitary training.

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Rocky runs up the steps alone, punches meat in a freezer

and faces his toughest battles without

a support system in sight.

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Even kids’ stories condition us to see resilience as an individual pursuit.

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In Encanto, Mirabel believes she alone

has to fix everything for her family.

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Matilda teaches us that brilliance and toughness are

the keys to overcoming hardship, no matter

how unfair the circumstances.

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(By the way, if you haven’t watched

the 2022 musical adaptation yet,

you can thank me later. So good.)

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But the reality is,

resilience isn’t built in isolation.

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It’s strengthened through relationships.

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Yes, personal grit matters, but it’s our relationships that provide

the safety net when we fall,

the perspective when we feel stuck,

the encouragement that helps us keep going.

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​Research shows that people with strong social support

recover from setbacks faster,

navigate stress more effectively and

sustain long-term success with greater ease.

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This week, we’re diving into

building resilience through connection:

how to fortify the relationships you already have

and how to cultivate new ones that help you thrive.

Not all relationships are created equal when it comes to resilience.

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Some energize and strengthen us,

while others leave us feeling depleted.

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So how do you know which relationships

are fueling your resilience and

which ones might be

draining it?

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Resilience Impact Quiz

This quick self-assessment can help you determine

whether a particular relationship is a

Resilience Gain

Resilience Neutral or a

Resilience Drain.

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How It Works

Think of a specific relationship, personal or professional,

and rate each statement below

on a scale of 1 to 5:

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Support & Reciprocity

▫️ When I need help, this person shows up for me in a way that feels meaningful.

▫️ I feel comfortable asking them for support, perspective or encouragement.

▫️ There is a give-and-take in our relationship, with a natural balance over time.

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Emotional Impact

▫️ I feel more capable, grounded or encouraged after spending time with them.

▫️ I can be myself in this relationship without feeling like I need to filter, mask or shrink.

▫️ They celebrate my successes without competition or comparison.

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Stress & Energy

▫️ I feel relaxed and at ease during and after our interactions.

▫️ This person contributes positive energy rather than bringing excessive negativity or drama.

▫️ I don’t feel like I have to justify, explain or defend myself in this relationship.

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Growth & Perspective

▫️ This person offers insight that helps me grow, reframe challenges and move forward.

▫️ They are open to feedback and able to have constructive conversations without defensiveness.

▫️ They encourage my growth and want to see me succeed.

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Scoring:

50-60 points → Strong Resilience Gain

This relationship actively strengthens your resilience.

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Prioritize and invest in it — these are the connections that help you thrive.

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35-49 points → Neutral or Situationally Supportive

This relationship has both strengths and limitations.

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It may support your resilience in some ways but could also require

clearer boundaries, more communication or

intentional investment to be

truly beneficial.

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20-34 points → Possible Resilience Drain

This relationship may be taking more energy than it gives.

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Consider what shifts could improve it, whether that’s

clearer expectations, stronger boundaries

or more limited exposure.

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12-19 points → Resilience Depleting

This relationship is likely draining more than it’s contributing.

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If possible, re-evaluate how much access

this person has to your time, energy and attention.

Strengthening Your Existing Relationships for Resilience

If your assessment revealed strong resilience-building relationships, amazing.

These are the connections to nurture and invest in.

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If you found some relationships are hovering in that 20-35 range,

there are ways to recalibrate them before making

a decision about whether to pull back.

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If Your Relationship is a Possible Resilience Drain (Score: 20-34)

This relationship may be taking more energy than it’s giving,

but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s toxic or beyond repair.

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Before pulling back, try these small shifts:

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1. Clarify Your Needs & Boundaries

Sometimes, resilience-draining relationships aren’t inherently bad,

they’re just imbalanced, unclear or misaligned in expectations.

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If you often feel drained, ask yourself whether

you’ve communicated your needs and been ignored or

whether you’ve just assumed the other person won’t change anyway.

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Try this:

1. Identify one specific way this relationship drains your resilience.

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2. Share an 'I statement' that clarifies your experience, without judgement.

“The story I’m telling myself is…” provides a great way to bring up

a sensitive topic in a way that is non-threatening

and models vulnerability.

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3. Offer an alternative:

“I’d love for this [alternative reality] to be true.

Can we work towards that together?”

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Why it works:

Some relationships drain us simply because expectations aren’t explicit.

Before writing someone off or absorbing the drain indefinitely,

see if a small shift in communication can

change the dynamic.

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2. Reduce Energy Leaks by Shifting the Format

Some relationships are in definite need of restructuring.

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If constant texting is exhausting,

switch to occasional calls.

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If venting sessions leave you feeling depleted,

steer convos toward problem-solving

rather than endless spiraling.

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Try this:

1. Adjust the frequency

If interactions feel obligatory

rather than nourishing,

try spacing them out.

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2. Change the mode

If texts feel transactional,

suggest a recurring chat instead.

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3. Introduce a structure

If conversations always lean negative,

try defining “rules of engagement" that require

a discussion of recent wins or positive news before

diving into and splashing around in the latest struggles.

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Why it works:

If the bond between you is there but the mechanics are off,

small structural tweaks can make a big difference by

bringing forward the dynamics that work and

dialing down the ones that don’t.

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3. Be Vulnerable

Many high-achievers struggle with asking for help,

but resilience isn’t about being self-sufficient.

It’s about knowing when to lean on others.

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Try this:

The next time you’re struggling,

instead of saying, “I’ve got it,”

try out these lines:

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“Can I get your perspective on this?” or

“I could really use some support right now.”

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Why it works:

You can’t know if a person will show up for you

if you don’t give them a chance to show up for you.

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If Your Relationship is Neutral or Situationally Supportive (Score: 35-49)

Not every relationship has to be a Resilience Gain.

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But if there is someone you want to have (or to reclaim) that connection with,

try investing differently to see if the relationship strengthens over time.

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1. Increase Reciprocity

Some relationships are imbalanced not because someone is selfish

but because patterns get set and never challenged.

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If you’re always the one giving support,

invite the other person to step up.

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Try this:

1. Go first

Lead with example by reaching out

instead of brooding over

why they haven’t.

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If you go first and they never follow,

as my mom would say,

“it’s a clue”.

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2. Ask for help

Next time you need advice or support,

don’t just assume they can’t or won’t help.

Say: “I’d love your advice or perspective on this”.

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3. Reinforce mutuality

If support has become one-sided,

let the other person know you want some air time too.

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Why it works:

Mutuality is built when both people feel like

they are contributing and receiving.

Make it clear you want that balance.

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2. Add Consistency

Some relationships plateau because they lack momentum.

There’s care, but no consistency.

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Instead of waiting for

the “perfect” time to connect,

create rhythm and structure yourself.

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Try this:

1. Set a standing check-in

Make it a habit, not an afterthought.

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2. Gamify it

Introduce a shared challenge

(reading the same book, walking 10K steps together).

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3. Cultivate micro-moments of connection

Create a shared ritual, even something small,

like a weekly themed voice memo.

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Why it works:

Resilience isn’t just built in big, life-changing conversations.

It’s in the small, everyday interactions that remind us we’re not alone.

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We assume meaningful relationships happen naturally,

but the truth is, they require maintenance.

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Regular, proactive check-ins

help strengthen bonds

before a crisis hits.

Intentionally Cultivating New Relationships That Strengthen Resilience

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While deepening existing relationships is crucial,

expanding our network is equally valuable.

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Here’s how to intentionally cultivate new relationships that make you more resilient.

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1. Seek Out ‘Expander’ Relationships

An “expander” is someone who

stretches your thinking,

challenges limiting beliefs &

helps you envision new possibilities.

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Try this:

Identify one person who is doing something you admire,

whether in business, parenting, or personal growth.

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Reach out with a genuine compliment or a thoughtful question.

If you get a warm response, nurture it.

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Why it works:

Engaging with individuals who challenge and inspire you

fosters personal growth and enhances your

capacity to adapt to new situations.

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2. Cultivate a Community

Having a strong personal network is invaluable,

but so is having a collective of people who

can support you in different ways.

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Try this:

Consider joining (or starting) a mastermind group, a support circle

or an industry-specific networking group where

shared wisdom and encouragement

are the norm.

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Why it works:

Having a pre-built squad of folks to tap

when things go sideways is

a huge resilience win.

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3. Lean Into Shared Struggles

Some of the most resilient relationships are formed in the trenches.

Yep, good ol’ trauma bonding.

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Don't suffer in solitude,

forge connections with others in the same situation.

Vulnerability invites support and often reveals that you’re not alone.

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Why it works:

Being open about challenges fosters deep connection and

having being able to laugh through hard experiences is a life force.

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4. Diversify Your Support System

No single person or group can meet all your needs.

Resilience is strongest when you have different kinds of support —

mentors, peers, friends, colleagues and even online communities.

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Try This:

Map out your current support network. Are there gaps?

If so, where can you start building relationships that fill those needs?

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Why it works:

Building a varied network provides

multiple perspectives and resources,

increasing resilience across different contexts.

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5. Be Proactive, Not Reactive

Don’t wait until a crisis hits to invest in relationships.

The best time to build a strong support system is before you desperately need it.

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Try This:

Each week, make it a habit to connect with

at least one person in a meaningful way.

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Over time, these small investments create an unshakable foundation.

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Why it works:

Taking initiative in addressing potential challenges

equips you with better coping strategies,

leading to improved resilience

and well-being. ​

Resilience is not an individual pursuit.

It’s something we build together.

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This week, I invite you to take one small step toward

strengthening your resilience through relationships.

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Choose one of these prompts and act on it:

Who is someone you can check in with this week?

What’s one small way you can deepen trust in an existing relationship?

Where can you expand your support network in a way that feels aligned?

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I’d love to hear what resonated with you.

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Hit reply and let me know:

How have relationships strengthened your resilience?

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xx, Nicole

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