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5 Ways to Stop Playing Small
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Last weekend, I re-watched Akeelah and the Bee with my boys. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend. It’s the classic underdog-rising sports film, but the sport is spelling. Total mom win. There’s a scene in the movie that always gets me. Akeelah’s spelling coach asks her to read a passage hanging up in his office: Akeelah: [reading the passage by Marianne Williamson] Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Dr. Larabee: Does that mean anything to you? Akeelah: I don’t know. Dr. Larabee: It’s written in plain English. What does it mean? Akeelah: That I’m not supposed to be afraid? Dr. Larabee: Afraid of what? Akeelah: Afraid of… me? YES. Whether it’s because we’re afraid to fail or afraid to shine, we make ourselves so small sometimes. We shrink ourselves to fit a mold or to avoid the discomfort of stepping fully into our potential. And in doing so, we hold ourselves back from our greatness or apologize for the very qualities that are our superpowers. But as the full passage explains: “There is nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure
around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
When we make ourselves small, we deny the world the gifts and perspectives only we can bring. Worse, we risk living a life of regret, knowing we’ve never truly shown up as our fullest selves. So in this issue, I want to explore three reasons we hold ourselves back from showing up big and five ways to overcome these natural fear-based tendencies. 3 Reasons You're Playing Small 1. Fear of Failure We convince ourselves that failing will confirm the doubts we think others have about us. This fear whispers “What if I try and it’s not enough? What if I let people down?” So, we choose the safer path. We play small, convincing ourselves that it’s better to avoid the risk altogether. What’s at Stake: Staying in your comfort zone might feel safe, but it’s a trap. It limits your growth, stifles creativity & prevents you from experiencing the depth of your capabilities. Fear of failure is a thief that steals opportunities before they even have a chance to knock. 2. Fear of Success It might seem counterintuitive, but success can feel just as scary as failure. For some of us, even more scary. What if success brings new pressures, higher stakes and a spotlight we don’t quite feel ready for? Success comes with the possibility of scrutiny, the weight of higher expectations and the lingering question, “Am I really worthy of this?” To avoid the discomfort, we subconsciously pull back just as we’re about to leap forward. What’s at Stake: This fear often leads to self-sabotage, procrastination or downplaying your goals. It stops you from claiming the life you truly want, holding you back from stepping fully into your power and purpose. 3. Comparison and Impostor Syndrome In a world of highlight reels and curated successes, it’s easy to feel like we don’t measure up. We see someone else’s achievements and assume their path has been easy while it feels like we’re forever struggling to get our sh*t together (or is that just me?). Meanwhile, we downplay our own accomplishments, rationalizing our hard-earned and well-deserved successes. “I just got lucky,” “I’m not really qualified for this.” This cycle feeds the belief that we’re not [blank] enough. (If this resonates, download my 5 Step Guide to Breaking up with your Limiting Beliefs) What’s at Stake: Constant comparison erodes your confidence and blinds you to your strengths. Impostor syndrome keeps you playing small, preventing you from celebrating and sharing the gifts that only you can bring to the table. 5 Ways to Break Free 1. Reframe Your Fears Instead of viewing failure as something to avoid, frame it as a stepping stone to growth. Each setback is a learning opportunity that brings you closer to your goals. Why It Works: Embracing a Growth Mindset reduces the emotional charge of failure and builds resilience. Over time, you’ll associate challenges with growth rather than defeat. Give it a try: Reflect on a past failure and identify three ways it helped you grow. 2. Avoid the Comparison Trap Social media amplifies the tendency to compare yourself to others, creating a false narrative of inadequacy. Limit your exposure to content that triggers self-doubt. Why It Works: Reducing comparison helps you focus on your own journey and strengths, fostering self-acceptance. Give it a Try: Take a 3-7 day social media break or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling less than. 3. Visualize Your Success Take a moment to imagine what success looks and feels like for you. Create a vivid mental picture of what it will look like when your goal is met and you feel fulfilled. Why It Works: Visualization primes your brain for success by reinforcing and normalizing a positive outcome, making big goals feel more attainable and success feel less scary. Give it a Try: Spend five minutes each morning visualizing a specific goal you want to achieve. The more detail, the better. 4. Build a Support Network Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Share your goals with them to create accountability and invite positive reinforcement. Why It Works: A strong support system keeps you motivated, provides perspective, & reminds you that you’re not alone. Give it a Try: Identify three people who inspire you and schedule regular check-ins to share progress & seek advice. 5. Take Small, Courageous Steps Break down your big goals into smaller, manageable actions. Each small step builds confidence and momentum. Why It Works: Consistent progress reduces overwhelm and reinforces your belief in your own potential. Give it a Try: Commit to one small action today that moves you closer to your goal, no matter how minor it seems. Your Next Move Take a cue from Akeelah and recognize that your light doesn’t just serve you, it inspires all of us. Stop playing small. Choose one of the five strategies above and start implementing it today. You have more power, potential & impact than you're showing up with. You just need to get out of your own way. Hit reply and let me know your next step. And, if you know someone who would benefit from actionable strategies like these, with the occasional kick in the rear, forward this email or send this link to the full catalog of back issues. xx, Nicole |
Time by Design
Are you juggling multiple non-negotiable roles (parent, founder, exec, caretaker, all the above)? Trying to "balance" and feel like you’re failing at everything? Ready to break the patterns that are keeping you stuck? Subscribe for head-led, heart-centered strategies to step out of survival mode and embrace a new Operating System for Intentional Living. Actionable strategies drop Sunday mornings. What to try. Why it Works. For When it Matters.
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